the silence that sometimes has to be broken.

December has been an intense month to top off one of the best and hardest years I've personally had to face before. Don't get me wrong, December has been and will always be a time of reflection, expressing gratitude for the people that I have and trying to be as

generous within the way I am. With that being said, everything may not materialise the way you want them to which is completely okay.

I struggled to comprehend this aspect of being 'human' and went through a really hard time throughout the month. What I mean by this is an endless amount of days (which resulted in a few weeks) feeling trapped and isolated, drowning in tears and what felt like a deep hole of anxiety - it came back into one. Ask me what triggered all of this? I guess it was me missing my Dad during the holiday as well as neglecting my own self and not giving myself enough time to breathe or take care of myself properly.

I knew I had to break my silence someway, somehow.

Depression was not going to have control over me this time round.

I had to be proactive during this time - I couldn't afford to fall through again. Coming into school and having the people you love ask 'are you okay? You seem down' was an instant indicator that I had to do something about it, because in all honesty, it was extremely exhausting feeling the way that I did. For it to show on the outside for people to eventually notice was another thing that added onto my wakeup call into finding a way out of the darkness.

Although, one thing I did realise along the way was that I am only human and being somewhat selfish - in the sense to give up some time for yourself - is completely okay and essential to function whilst achieving the everyday agenda.

The steps I took were bearable, with time being taken in between.

I opened up to the truth by talking to people around me and seeking medical advice. In comparison, this time round was a lot more better with me wanting to open up to individuals as well as wanting to do something about healing. This was me breaking the silence that I held in for so long and it gave me so much courage to actually get out of bed and say 'I know I can face this and get through this again.'

I did go through a numerous amount of mixed feelings and situations whilst healing, which definitely held me back. One being another family bereavement and having to face the consequences of having someone close to you leave again. In a positive light, I took this on board (and still am) with the thought that I wouldn't be facing this type of process if I weren't capable of being able to balance it all. It was a significant knock-back. It did trigger a strong emotion of anxiety and worry. But with situations, like these regarding reality, we just need to take them and live life for what it is. As much as it does hurt, these things happen and all one person needs during this time is nothing more than a simple hug and endless support.

The never-ending love, support and words of wisdom from the people who care was the major factor that allowed me to realise how much I am actually worth in this world, alongside everyone else's individual significance and purpose in life. It was another reason for me to think that there is so much to be appreciative for as well as the importance of taking care of myself in order to do good and therefore be good (both mentally and physically).

At the same time, when it comes to certain challenges regarding mental health, only you have it in yourself to pick yourself back up again. Yes, the advice, love, care and support from significant people does help A LOT but to wake up in the morning to conquer the feeling and hardship that you're going through, nobody else but you can do it.

Whoever you may be, please know your capabilities and strengths because you haven't been put here on this earth for no reason. You're here to exercise your skills and opportunities, explore the life around you and most importantly make your own mark throughout the life you have.

If you are going through something which is difficult to hold onto, break your silence by speaking it out and being proactive - you truly don't deserve to hold in so much. After all, you are only human and you are definitely needed in this world we live in.

Life is definitely way too short to be miserable, please live it as happy as much as you possibly can.

x

28|12|2019