Change: the different kind of grief

So over the past couple of weeks I've been thinking a lot and deeply about certain changes that have happened but also the ones that are still yet to happen in the next few months to possible years.

Now, this is what I highlight as the typical way of me overthinking - it ain't no surprise: Me and my overthinking antics becoming best friends all over again. Yes, of course I'm being sarcastic, this is the equation:

Me + overthinking (or anyone that overthinks for that matter) = a big mess.

I can confirm that sometimes, in my gut feeling, my overthinking can somewhat be beneficial in the sense that what I think and hope for equates to becoming true (and mostly beneficial) or at least allows me to be slightly prepared for what could potentially happen next.

Then again, you can't always completely plan everything because you just don't know what could occur along the way - mysterious, I know! But sometimes the best things do happen for a reason and these things happen for an aiding purpose for you and the journey you have yet to fulfil.

Grief or losses (so it doesn't sound as overwhelming) can come in different forms. It isn't just through bereavement, but it can also be through things that one may be worried about in terms of the future or because of current events happening within the present.

I say this, but I want people to bear in mind that: there is nothing to worry about. It will all work out in the end; it's part of the plan put in place - take this in a spiritual way or whatever way you want, it's completely up to you.

{2002} (cute version of me) {2020} (okay, what happened?)

{*a visual representation of change}

As said, losses can be a result from changes and happen in different forms.

For me personally, I'd say the top changes that I've had to deal with, ranges from: having to care and look after my dad (who was terminally ill) whilst I was still quite young, starting new schools, eventually loosing my dad, going through that change of not having him on a day to day basis, to loosing people who I thought would stay for a long time, having a jam-packed schedule with school, having more responsibilities the older I became and just having to growing up. (can suck sometimes, don't we all agree!)

What these experiences had (and I guess still do have) in common, is the fact that they are all aspects of change. None of which I had complete control over. All that I could do was accept these moments of change, soon realising that it would be something good to help me out later on.

It's mostly out of your control sometimes when it comes to certain changes in life, but the only way you can get through it is by experiencing the process of accepting what will be and how you can grow and learn from it.

Acceptance isn't easy. After all, it is the final stage out of the Five Stages of Grief.

From the aspect change, I guess the loss that you gain out of it is the idea of not being able to have that past or current life as it is or was anymore, because it's like another chapter closing and you won't be able to revise ever again. It is daunting to know but it is for the best.

I'd say the thing that's brought all of this to mind is that it isn't too long of a wait until the dreaded A Level results day comes to lie right on our doorstep.

*To my readers who didn't graduate or do exams this year - I'm sorry this sounds exclusive only to the Class of 2020, please be my guest to continue reading through😘.

There's results day, then there's going off to uni not so long after that. To be honest, I'm not really worried about going to a new school and environment. It's more of what's about to happen that I'm more concerned about. Although, I feel like many share a similar feeling with worry towards the results and acceptances in comparison to the actual new start. I'm guessing it's because it's a part of life that everyone goes onto this new chapter, but the results day and final conclusion drawn out from this is what can provoke young people into worrying in the present.

There's just a lot of uncertainty, especially with the whole build up. We're now officially in the near waiting game.

The past four months (of lockdown) has been a journey just as much as sixth form and the past two years have. We started with March establishing itself as the surrealist month of all time. The extra pressure we had on top of the stress we were already going through to get as much work done 'just in case' - as our teachers advised us to - school was going to be called off for a while, then soon abruptly switched to a halt of what felt like waste of time due to the examinations being 'cancelled' this summer. At the time it felt as if the world crumbled in the span of one day (for us students at least at that moment in time). You put SO much effort, time and energy into something but it ends up going towards confusion and discombobulation, you just don't know what to expect next.

April, May, June and now July: Lockdown came about straight after and even that felt like a waiting game. I'm sure I don't need to elaborate much on that.

Went through a few changes personally, and in general everyone did so too.

Now, we're here four months on, just over four weeks away from what we said would still be so far away.

In some way, you can say there is still some time left, however it does go by pretty quickly - as the past few months have clearly done so.

This is a change that is a part of the many aspects of the determination of life and the future - here we are again with the diplomatic vibe, I'm sorry.

As I was saying, it is a change. I guess what we may lose is the familiar environment we previously had during sixth form and the fact that it felt all secluded and safe. Thinking about it now, I think that's also something that some will tend to worry about once they've received their grades and acceptances.

It goes like this:

Change + Missing the thing pre-change = grief/loss = an eventual good gain

You can apply this in any scenario.

It's nothing bad.

It's not you being too sensitive.

It just shows how much you care about that certain something (or someone, depending what you may be thinking of).

It's a highlight of growth and that's more than okay.

Acceptance (at least 90% at the most) is one part of the end goal here, and it's all up to you as to how you end up getting there.

In terms of people that are a part of Class of 2020, it isn't too long until the week of change for us.

The week of relief.

The week of success.

The week of nerves.

The week of uncertainty.

The week of unpredictability.

The start of the next step.

POSITIVITY is the way to go.

It's what we can only base our hope and thoughts and prayers on.

As discussed before: we started it all together and now we'll be ending it that way too.

x

10|07|2020